Everybody Hurts

I am so done with this weather! What a miserable day.
There. that's my little bitch session for now.

As usual it's been a while since I've posted any updates here. My apologies to anyone who may have been waiting (Kev) for some news from my wee little mind.
It has been quite a month. My mind and my heart have been twisted and wrenched and torn to pieces and it feels like they're being held together by chewing gum and duct tape.
I've said it before, here and elsewhere...I suck at communicating verbally. That's why i write. Anyone who thinks that's a weak excuse should spend a day in my head and see how well they handle it. If they can walk away in one piece. Not that I think my mind is sooo complex that no one could possibly handle it. That would just be arrogant (wink). It's just really messy in there and the maid tends to just sweep things under rug. I fired her a long time ago but she keeps sneaking back in and moving shit around without telling me. I think she's been stealing things too...

What can you say to or about someone that you care for deeply but you know you can't keep for one reason or another? Keep isn't the right word really but I think you know what I mean (I'm certainly not the possessive type).
No matter what you say or do, you know that it won't change the way things are. You know the saying, 'the heart wants what the heart wants' or something like that, what if the heart wants something that the soul knows will hurt the heart (yours or someone else's)? To the extent that you want your heart to stop, figuratively...or sometimes literally just to stem the flow of shit that is sure to follow.
That being said, what's the point of asking questions that have no answer? Why bother probing a bottomless pit?
I guess the answer to the initial questions is simple now that I think of it. What do you tell someone that you care for deeply about how you feel? The truth.


The truth hurts blah blah blah, we all know that. The truth is often an ugly monster that can not be stopped or caged. Best to set it free, let it rampage and do its damage and wait till it's done so you can pick up the debris.
To add another cute little cliché to this rant "fucked if you do, fucked if you don't". Bah!

Today I am dealing with loss. A loss that hurts more than I care to admit to myself.
This loss involves freedom, not just mine, so I know in the long run there will be healing and strength...for now...i want to cry. Yeah, I said it, so what, you wanna fight about it?
I just want it to stop. Maybe I'll just go to Winnipeg and give french lessons, I hear they've got great weather these days. Honestly.

Time to go kids. REM is playing in my head and I'm starting to feel like a bit of a pussy.